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Monthly Archives: October 2012

Back Home.

After almost 4 and 1/2 years of either living out my crazy wild life in San Diego “studying” in college or traveling abroad in Europe as an au pair in Italy I am finally back living at home. Home is my teeny tiny half a peanut sized town on the Central Coast. Home is where I moved when I was four years old and subsequently finished high school. Home is where we have no brand stores except the “Shell” gas station.  Home is where I shop for groceries at a place called “The Cookie Crock.” Like seriously?! What does that even mean???

Home for me is not being able to go anywhere in our 2 mile stretch of “downtown” without seeing a least 3 people I know. Home is where I almost won Homecoming Queen but instead lost and received the obligatory award of Homecoming Princess. (I’m never going to let that one go. Still bitter.) Home is where if I went to go buy condoms or cigarettes or hemorrhoid cream (not that I would EVER by ANY of those items) at the local pharmacy rumors would spread like wildfire because the pharmacist or the cashier knows me that well. Home is seeing my old high school teachers at church or walking their dogs at the park and stopping to have a 30 minute conversation about the last 4 years of my life. Home is going to the gym that has 4 treadmills and only old people who refuse to do any exercise except the hand bike. What muscle does that even benefit? Home is seeing a high school flame who is literally still doing the same exact thing they were doing with their life 4 and 1/2 years ago…absolutely nothing.

But here’s the thing. 

Home is where I can come to sleep in my own bed until it’s 3 in the afternoon or at least until my Mom says I’ve been sleeping enough and forces me down to the couch. Home is where my cat Charlie is even though he refuses to snuggle with me. I think he is confused with my intermittent visits home and is playing hard to get. I’ll try upping his tuna juice intake and see what happens. Home is where the Pacific Ocean greets me not only with its magnificent waves but with its playful gusts of salty mist that it throws on my freckled nose as I walk along the coast on a foggy day. Home is my Mom cooking her famous garlic bread for any and all of my friends that I have over. Home is sneaking into the hot tubs at the local hotels along the ocean and talking for hours with old friends.  Home is Olallieberry pie which everyone needs to try once in their lifetime. Home is being able to get the best of both the forest and the sea.  Home is not feeling like I have to be doing something, impressing someone, or changing something. Home is me time. Home is family. Home is where I think about the past and dream about the future. Home is where I still have all my high school pictures tacked on my bulletin board and get a flash back every time I glance up at them. Home is where thousands of tourists come to visit and stay because my home is one of the most desired and beautiful places…and am blessed enough to live here.

I used to take this place for granted when I was growing up. Complaining that there was nothing to do and whining about how the nearest movie theatre was 35 minutes away. But the thing is…back then I was blind. Back then I didn’t see the entertainment staring me right in the face. I didn’t realize the beauty of the place I live in and the energy that can come from solitude. Now with my wisdom increasingly growing I’m aware more than ever… Home really is where the heart is.

Go find home & appreciate all the good in it.

Eye Contact.

The meeting of two people’s eyes. When two people share a brief individual moment without talking.  However you define it WHY is it so difficult? Or more precisely, why is it so difficult for ME??

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Let me be clear: I have absolutely no problem making eye contact when I’m actually talking with someone. I can stare people in the eyes during important interviews and throughout casual conversations. I can look the waiter in the eye when I order food and I can also speak a silent language with my eyes to my friends because they know exactly what I’m thinking.

What I’m actually referring to is those moments out on the streets when your walking along or your in a crowded cafe/club/party and you see someone you find attractive. And then they see you. What happens next? Well I’ll tell you what happens next in my case…I look away immediately and wait until I know they are not looking at me to look back at them. I am literally terrified of that 3 second span of time when eyes lock and you become painfully aware that you are looking at someone else and they are looking back at you.

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Most of the time this happens to me is when I’m walking on the street or something random like walking into the supermarket or I don’t know.  Sometimes I will spot some guy in the distance that I think is cute (at least from that far away they appear to be) and I will literally get so anxious as they approach. I go through about 4 different scenarios of what I should do but none of them is look them in the eye and smile.

I could:

A) Make no eye contact at all and pretend they don’t even exist as to appear so wrapped up in my own world I never even noticed their hot ass body in their flannel shirt.
B) Look directly above them so it appears that I’m looking at them with not actually having to. This also consistently makes them think you are looking at them and in turn they look at you. Try it. I dare you. It works.
C) Turn down a different street altogether and avoid any and all awkward eye contact.
D) Turn around and pretend you forgot something where you just came from. This is a worst case scenario way to handle things. Because now not only are you going in the wrong direction but you are also still on the same path as said person.

But what I’m really trying to figure out is why this is so hard for me…
Some of my friends are so good with eye contact they even refer to it as “eye sex.” They can entice someone with just a mere glance.  That’s not my personal goal buttttt what I want is to not be afraid to look back. For goodness sakes I’m in my early twenties and I think I should be able to stare at someone who is staring at me. It only seems fair.  Like in the movies when handsome guy spots pretty girl and they share a moment if only a brief one and then their love story starts…well I want to be the girl plus or minus the love story depending on who I’m looking at.

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Does anyone suffer from what I’m talking about? Or you all expert “eye contacters” who find no problem whatsoever with looking at other strangers?  And then I wonder why is it easy for me to make eye contact when a conversation with a stranger is already in progress but it’s so hard for me to look at someone I may or may not ever see again?

Right now I’m on the train back from Genova, Italy and I’m in the same compartment with a younger looking business man. I just bravely looked at him and he looked up at me and I realized he has one eye that is cross-eyed!!! Does this count though??? I obviously am trying here people! Okay but really I sincerely want to be more confident in the eye contact department. It seems so simple.

Suggestions welcome.

Biography.

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Yup. That about does it.

Now Is The Start.

I’m pretty ridiculously obsessed with this song right now. The fact that it was also free on iTunes makes it even better. Kind of like a double rainbow. Anyways not only do I like the song and the beat but the lyrics are relevant to all that is going on with my life as well.

The song talks about starting new. How NOW is the start. Today. Or whenever you want it to be.

I decided that coming home from Italy is my new start. My time to focus on things that are really important to me.

God. Health. Friendships.

Those 3 things are at the top of my list.

I think that sometimes starting new is the scariest and hardest part. But this song reminds me, at least, that starting new is a good thing. It’s something to be happy about. It’s something to be excited about.

So listen.

9 days.

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In 9 days I go back to America. In 9 days four and a half months of living and traveling in Italy/Europe stops. In 9 days I will be on a 15 hour plane ride back to California.  In 9 days I will pet my cat. In 9 days I will get to hug my Mom. In 9 days I will devour a bean and cheese burrito. In 9 days I will say goodbye to a family I have come to see as my own. In 9 days I will stop being “Nicole the au pair.” In 9 days I will start working out again. In 9 days I will be forced to think about the “real world” and this crazy, wonderful, roller coaster of an experience will all be finished…